More words about words...
- bordenmscott
- Nov 24, 2021
- 7 min read
This week my focus has been words - the incredibly ordinary and amazingly powerful things many of us speak and write much of the day, every day.
I don’t think it is news to Christians that the Bible has things to say about how we use words. But I do think we can lose sight of just how important this is throughout the Bible and drift into the patterns of our culture.
Consider this: "Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is useless." - James 1:26
Or from Jesus: "But I tell you that every careless word that people speak, they shall give an accounting for it in the day of judgment." - Matthew 12:37
In considering these and many other passages in the Bible I suggested on Sunday that followers of Jesus should speak words that are gracious, truthful, and wise.
We are living in a time of polarization - people are divided over many issues and are devoting a lot of time to arguing over these divisions. The online environment many of us spend a fair amount of time in doesn’t tend to foster good conversations. Platforms like Facebook encourage and thrive on outrage. There is a wonderful opportunity for Christians to be part of the solution to this “age of outrage” instead of being part of the problem by holding to teaching like Colossians 6:6 - “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” How can we be part of making this something Christians are known for?
The importance of truth also couldn’t be more apparent from the massive list of Bible passages to choose from on the subject, like Proverbs 6:16-19: "There are six things the LORD hates, seven that are detestable to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies and a person who stirs up conflict in the community."
It grieves me that the Church does not give the impression of caring deeply about the truth. There are too many examples of Christian leaders and organizations peddling anti-science views, or scamming people for donations, or holding ignorant opinions that they attribute to the Bible. I don’t know that the Church is any worse than any other segment of the population in this, but we certainly don’t come off as any better.
So why would anyone think that we know something true and valuable about God, life, or faith if we constantly demonstrate our ignorance about so many other things? One of the most important things we could be doing right now is not speaking unless we’ve done the work to ensure (as best we can) that what we have to say is true.
Wisdom in speech is also a big Biblical topic. How we use words will determine a lot about how well things go for us in our lives. 1st Peter 3:10 says “Whoever would love life and see good days must keep their tongue from evil and their lips from deceitful speech.”
In Sunday’s message I talked about swearing and taking the Lord’s name in vain (which doesn’t mean what most Christians think it means). You can watch that message here, listen to it here, or read it below:
But when it comes to wisdom I had a few thoughts that didn’t fit on Sunday, so here is the overflow from that.
Wise and Clear
Another part of wise speech is speaking in a way that can be understood. I have a special challenge here because I am a Canadian and a Christian and (like many of you reading this) I have been taught that both of these groups must always be nice.
That double-dose of “be nice” can sometimes get in the way of being able to just tell other people what you want or how you feel about something because we are so concerned with possibly upsetting someone. Jesus said “blessed are the meek” but meek doesn’t mean passive, or passive-aggressive. It means "power under control." It is not a sin to be respectfully frank. It is not mean to be clear and direct with people you are committed to treating with love and grace.
Unclear speech can lead to a chain-reaction of frustration. One person gets something unintended from an awkward conversation, but they are too passive to bring it up, so now they are just bothered by that other person and not as keen to spend time with them, and the other person senses this but doesn’t really know why, and would never just say “hey something seems awkward between us and I’m not sure what it is, but if I said or did anything that bothered or upset you I truly didn’t mean to and I’d like to be able to make that right.” And because they won’t say it those two people just become people who don’t feel great around each other, but don’t feel justified about those feelings, and everyone is hoping that time or something else outside of their control will eventually allow them to reset the relationship… I am describing something unique to my own experience or do you know what I’m talking about?
One incredibly important skill that isn’t taught very well in the Canadian Christian culture I grew up in is direct communication. That’s where you are able to simply ask for what you want and tell someone how you feel without being paralyzed by how your words will be received so that you soften them to the point of being unclear. That’s half of the skill. The other half is being able to receive direct communication from others without being crushed.
I’ve sat in church leader’s meeting where you could feel that most of the people around the table didn’t like a certain idea, but nobody was willing to be the person to say so. The relief was obvious when somebody finally said what so many were thinking.
A lack of direct communication is also a common problems in marriages. Culturally women were (and often still are) taught to be deferential to men, and the Church sometimes encourages this even more in marriage. This rules out direct communication, where she can simply and clearly say if something isn’t good in the relationship, or if there is some need that is going unmet. Some Christian marriage books claim that this kind of direct communication is unbiblical, and imply that men are too fragile to handle being spoken to that way!
As far as I’m concerned this is foolishness. Neither women or men should have to walk on eggshells in their communication, or speak in vague riddles to try to avoid hurting another person’s feelings. But I also get it. My marriage is vitally important to me, and hearing that something isn't right can make me feel like a failure, which shuts me down. That doesn't change my responsibility to listen and respond in a loving way, but it's an area I still need to grow in. Healthy relationships require clear communication, and any truly loving spouse should would want to know how their partner is really feeling and what they are really thinking so that they can do whatever they can to bless the other person.
I’m not talking about speech that his harsh, demanding, or intended to put someone down or undermine them. Speech can be gentle and respectful while still being clear. But wise speech means taking the risk of allowing others to truly understand you, needs and wants included.
Well, the philosopher Voltaire once said "The secret of being boring is to say everything", so hopefully before I get too boring I'll wrap it up. Here is your devotional moment for today:
Devotional
Reflect on your words of the past day or two. Were their times you were effective in building someone up through your words? Were their times when you let anger or annoyance turn your words into harsh or damaging things? Are there situations you are good at being intention, or other times you are more careless? Imagine taking stock of the situation with Jesus by your side, not to condemn you, but to help you see and encourage you in moving toward healthier words.
Psalm 52:2-9
You who practice deceit, your tongue plots destruction; it is like a sharpened razor. 3 You love evil rather than good, falsehood rather than speaking the truth. You love every harmful word, you deceitful tongue! Surely God will bring you down to everlasting ruin: He will snatch you up and pluck you from your tent; he will uproot you from the land of the living. 6 The righteous will see and fear; they will laugh at you, saying, “Here now is the man who did not make God his stronghold but trusted in his great wealth and grew strong by destroying others!” But I am like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God; I trust in God’s unfailing love for ever and ever. For what you have done I will always praise you in the presence of your faithful people. And I will hope in your name, for your name is good.
Prayer
At the Beginning of the Day
O God, I find myself at the beginning of another day. I do not know what it will bring. Please help me to be ready for whatever it may be. If I am to stand up, help me to stand bravely. If I am to sit still, help me to sit quietly. If I am to lie low, help me to do it patiently. If I am to do nothing, let me do it gallantly. I pray just for today, for these twenty-four hours, for the ability to cooperate with others according to the way Jesus taught us to live. "Your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven." May these words that he taught us become more than words. Please free my thinking and feelings and the thinking and feelings of others, from all forms of self-will, self-centeredness, dishonesty, and deception. Along with my brothers and sisters, I need this freedom to make my choices today according to your desires. Send your Spirit to inspire me in time of doubt and indecision so that, together, we can walk along your path. - J. Veltri, S.J.
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